Is Your Love Life SPICY?

Because I'm not afraid to talk about the subjects everyone else wishes they could...

It’s no secret that men and women think about sex differently. Men think about it more often and are more likely to be attracted to physical features while women are more likely to be attracted to a relationship. If a woman wants to have sex, she simply undresses. If a man wants to have sex, he better do the dishes, put the kids to bed and lay the rose petals out.
You have just enough time to find what works for your marriage- and then come the kids and SLAM! your sex life goes out the door. That increase in libido that a husband is thrilled to find in his wife in her 2nd trimester sneaks out the door in her third and hides as if her life depends on it while she's nursing her new little treasure. But, even after that, there is a list of reasons why its, "Not tonight honey", which only drives a wedge between the tired couple, pushing them farther and farther apart.
I believe that sex is a beautiful expression of love between a husband and a wife that has been trashed and turned into something casual, dirty and ugly in our over sexualized society. I believe that a healthy, sexual relationship is vital to the strength and closeness of a marriage. I believe that not only is this most intimate part of our relationship something that can take time and effort to work at (especially after children) that we SHOULD spend the time and effort to strengthen our sexual relationship with our spouse.
My husband and I "date" on a regular basis (2 weeks ago we went go-cart racing!) and we talk- about everything. That's where we start. We have learned that even though how we look at sex is different we both want it in our relationship and we both want the other person to be happy with our sexual relationship (I bet his cheeks are getting pink). We look for ways to make each other happy and want to spend time together. In my marriage- that means letting my husband know that even though I have all these kids hanging off of me, I AM still interested in sex. And for him- it means letting me know that I am the most wonderful and beautiful woman he has ever seen.

I want to know: What do YOU do in your marriage to keep your sex life spicy? Whether you have young kids, are empty nesters or even if you have not yet be able to experience the joy of kids, on a PG rated level (PG-13 at the MOST), tell me what you think and what you do to keep your sex life vibrant and fresh. If you want to remain anonymous on the blog, email me at anothertolove@gmail.com and I'll post it.

I reserve the right to remove any comment deemed "too spicy"

Whaddya think?


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  2. The biggest thing is keeping all other aspects of your marriage happy, then you are much more likely to enjoy each other romantically. "Sex begins in the kitchen." Meaning often if he's helping you, and you're helping him, you are more likely to make time for intimacy. As for spice, try something new, blind-fold, warming massage oil, or set a timer and everything has to be PG before the timer goes off, adds suspense when things aren't "allowed" yet.

  3. Try random sex in an unorthodox place. I recently watched the episode of Friends where Rachel was in labor and Monica and Chandler were in the utility closet at the hospital.

  4. I agree with Heidi. In most cases, when the relationship is healthy, the sex is good. The most important thing is communication, in every aspect of the relationship, including the bedroom. Never assume your partner is a mind reader. Ask for things directly and nicely and respond enthusiastically when they are accomplished (this includes taking out the trash along with things in the bedroom).

    Also, take care of yourself physically and encourage your spouse to, as well. Exercise, eating right, keeping your body healthy and your mind sharp is a definite aphrodisiac.

  5. Anonymous Comment:

    Well we are definitely in the boat of 'no kids yet..', but we find that we keep it spicy by still trying games, role playing, and still surprising each other with candles or outfits. We will find something casual like a video game, then add spicy little rules to it like removing an article of clothing for each level you lose against the other. That makes it fun, and sometimes spontaneous for each other! Always look for fun and private ways to just add that extra naughty twist to it! :)