9/22/2010

I Yelled At Him

A few days ago, I yelled at my Sidekick. I mean really yelled at him. (Later he said, "I've never heard you yell like that." *snicker*) We were talking on the phone while he was on his way home from work and he said something (I can't remember what now, so how bad could it have been?) and while making dinner and dealing with, "I want to help.", "I'm hungry.", "I don't like that for dinner, Mom." and "Did you get my new shoelaces today, Mom?" and all while I was running late for an appointment, so I just couldn't take whatever it was he said. So, I yelled (*screamed*) something at him and now I can't even remember what it was I said. But, I was mad enough that when he hung up on me for yelling, I didn't even care. By the time he got home, I was still fuming, but I knew I shouldn't have responded the way I did; however, I'm pretty stubborn. So, on my way out the door to my next obligation, I spouted, "Sorry I yelled at you." and ran out the door so quickly that he couldn't even respond.

Of course, by the time I returned home to a clean, quiet (kids in bed) house that evening, I'd calmed down a little so we hashed it out and ended up going to bed happy.

I've been thinking about this little event over the last couple of days. I've got an amazing husband. I boss him around like I own the place and most of the time he lets me take the lead because I run things quite efficiently. When we do disagree, I try to listen, because he usually let's me do pretty much what I want, so the issue must be pretty important to him if he has a different opinion. I've been updating our adoption paperwork lately (still looking, have you found us a baby girl?) and I've updated our marital status to 14 years. We've made it through some pretty serious life experiences: tragedies, job changes, moves, and some really great memories, and here I am still married to my best friend.

The house we bought a year ago, was up for sale because the couple was getting a divorce. A family with 4 kids whose life was turned upside down by a shocking revelation one day. Sometimes, when it's quiet (rarely), I ponder on the stories these walls could tell. The warning signs that could have been realized and the help that could have come before it was too late. The divorce rate for a 1st marriage in the US is 50%, the 2nd marriage is 67% and the 3rd marriage is 74%. Marriage can be hard. Having children can be hard. But, they are also very rewarding and worth all the effort we put into them. The odds are not in our favor, but marriage is essential to the well being and moral structure of our society. A stable family is the cornerstone of a stable community. Our children deserve for their parents to be together; together in parenting, together in ideals, together in spirit. Our children deserve for their parents to be friends.

So, next time you yell at your husband (or he yells at you), take a minute, calm down, realize the fault you have in the situation and work harder to amend it than you do to fix him. Talk to someone together before it's too late. And if you feel like the situation is already too far gone, think of the children.







Whaddya think?

1 comment:

  1. Divorce sucks. If you are both trying to live the gospel, treating each other with respect and working towards common goals, all the little stuff can work itself out. It seems as if our new definition of marriage and life in general is "lower expectations," which is kind of funny but true. I think people are unhappy when they can't have it all at the same time. If people realize that life is bumpy and constantly changing and the grass is NOT always greener, they can find happiness in the moment and stage they are in.

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