10/28/2010

To the Crazies Who are Ruining My Holiday:

Dear Crazies:

Because of you and your devilish scheme to put poison and pins and needles in my childrens' Halloween candy, one of my favorite holidays, is now becoming a joke. As a result of trying to provide a "safe" alternative to trick or treating, we attended our church's "trunk or treat" last night. Although the organizers did a FAB job setting up a carnival (with a haunted house, cup cake walk, kissing booth, face painting, fishing booth and the list goes on and on...) we were able to end with the joke of "Trunk or Treating". Trunk or Treating is a lazy, boring, exclusive, and cow herding alternative to the amazing art of trick or treating! And it's all thanks to you! Because of your ruse to put a little "trick" into trick or treating, my kids are herded, along with 100 other kids, within a 30 minute time frame, from car trunk to car trunk. They scarcely have time to say "trick or treat" much less "thank you" before they are shoved out of the way by the 50 kids behind them scrambling to get their candy before it runs out due to the masses of older kids that zoom through so fast you can hardly see what they've dressed up as because they are hoping to make the trunk or treat lap 6 times before their parents catch on and shut them down. Thanks to you, gone are the days that our children come home utterly exhausted because they actually walked enough to work off some of the energy they gained from their trick or treating candy. Thanks to you, gone are the days that the little old ladies have time to ask you about your costumes or trick or treating adventures (as a matter of fact, they all hide indoors because trunk or treating is so fast paced and chaotic- they are scared to get knocked over!). Thanks to you, many neighbors aren't even handing out candy at their door due to a lack of trick or treaters. Halloween has become more of a "give me candy" and less of an experience. And even the costumes are getting lazy. A mass of store bought, no imagination costumes that oft times don't resemble the actual thing (I KNOW that I NEVER saw a nursery rhyme book where Little Red Riding Hood had a neckline that low or a skirt that SHORT!) I'm sure that this is your fault too. So, Keep Your Crazy To Yourself and leave my holiday alone, because I'm taking MY KIDS Trick or Treating!

-A Trick or Treating Mom


Dear Trick or Treating Mom,

Thank you for your concern regarding one of our favorite holidays. To set the story straight, neither I or nor any of my Crazy Friends has ever poisoned Halloween candy. After the 1982 Tylenol Poisoning scare, we kind of got a really bad rap. But, the only actually Halloween candy poisoning was the murder of Timothy Mark O'Bryan in 1974. It turned out that it was actually his Dad who laced his pixie stix with arcenic so he could collect on the life insurance. (He was later executed for his crime.) There may be some incidences that me or my crazy friends put pins or needles in candy, but the worst that ever came of that is a few stitches and since the circumstances around the cases are quite questionable, I'm not saying if we were involved or not. The hype that is giving trick or treating a bad rap is just that, hype. Because really, if I wanted to hurt your kids, trunk or treating wouldn't stop me, so dress your kids up, go to your church/school/communty's trunk or treat to show your support and have a good time, and then hit the road, because I won't be bothering you on Halloween night. And as for the hoochie costumes, that's not my fault, those parents should make their kids put some clothes on!

-Maybe a Crazy, But not on Halloween Night

2 comments:

  1. BAHAHA! I loved this... Good job Shay!

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  2. so true, Mike and I were actually just talking about this the other day. Most of the scare is just scare, they never really happened. So disappointing. Hopefully some day, kids will go out trick or treating again. It's just so much fun!

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