It's Just Paper...

Sometimes, people hurt my feelings.

Ok- not very often, I usually have a pretty thick skin.  But, lately (over the past few years), I've felt judged.  Because of my bank account.

I recently wrote about this subject, Why people hate those who have more than they have, but it seems like it is becoming an epidemic.  A trend to make life completely equal.  A trophy for every child.  No more gift exchanges because one gift might be better (more costly) than another.  The drive to make sure no one feels bad because they couldn't do what someone else could do.

I cringe to think of a world without Santa Claus or the Tooth Fairy because sometimes they are more generous to one kid than they are to another.

Lately, I've heard statements like this:

"I think it's rude when people put pictures of their (toys, vacations, etc) on facebook.  It's like they are bragging about how much money they have " (although- ironically it's ok if a "poor"er person does this- just not the "wealthy" person)

"Easy for you to say, you have money"

"You wouldn't understand what it's like to be poor"

Really?  Now I will say the last 3ish years of my life have been very financially comfortable.  But, I didn't grow up like this, we WORKED and went without all the toys everyone else had, for YEARS, to live like this.  (I remember, very well, when I had to pay $33.14 a month for my birth control pills and when my doctor changed the prescription and the pills then cost $34.56 a month, I about choked- and this was after we paid for insurance- our insurance just didn't cover them).  And even when my husband graduated and got a job, we scrimped and saved and were REALLY slow to get all the toys everyone else had, because financial security was just more important.  And no one was going to be there to bail us out when we got in over our heads.

Having a financially stable life does NOT make me incompassionate, insincere, lazy, snotty or rude.  Those are character traits that a person CHOOSES to have, they are not caused by a dollar.

And the balance of an account does NOT guarantee a happy life or the lack of trials in one's life.  I can buy any pair of boots I'd like, but I can not call my mother on the phone and tell her about my day.  I feel pain, physical pain, when I see a girl lay her head on her mother's shoulder at church (and not in a 'I can't have that so you shouldn't either way.  I am so glad they do have that, I wouldn't wish that pain on anyone.  I just wish I had it too).  I will never vacation with my mother or have her give me parenting advise.  I can long to talk to her all I want and no one will ever be able to fill that void.

So, why is my void considered "just life" and the financial void in another's is considered a tragedy?  I know that my life is amazing, especially compared to so many others, but that does not lessen the pain in my life.  Just as the pain in someone's else's life is no less important because of the pain in my life.  I do not expect everyone else to make up for the lack in my life, so why are financial inconsistencies different?

Now, I'm not saying that we should let those less fortunate suffer.  (On the contrary, I feel it is my responsibility to lift the burdens- which is why I spent more on other people's children for Christmas than I did on my own....)  So, why am I judged for wearing True Religion jeans?  When did 'success become demonized'?

I don't think any less of the person who has less than I do, and I certainly don't feel like I'm any better than they are, so why do so many of them hate me?  I give A. Lot.  Often times, I give to those who have hurt my feelings.

Money is not the answer to life's problems.  (and that's when I hear, 'easy for you to say'....).  Love, compassion and kindness are.

So, please stop judging me for the brand of jeans I wear or the vacation I go on.  I have no clue what jeans you wear and I LOVE seeing pictures of you happy on vacation.  I LOVE seeing pictures of your crazy elf and the toys you got for Christmas and I LOVE it when money isn't an issue in our friendship.  Because, to me, it's just paper.

Whaddya think?


  1. Thanks for sharing your thoughts - it is refreshing to read them and understand your perspective. I think you and I can relate in quite a few ways - we'll have to chat sometime about it :) !!

    I am definitely glad that money is not in issue in our friendship :) !!

  2. and if money is an issue in your friendship, then you aren't true friends.