A couple months ago, I sat down, finally, with a mountain of clean laundry to fold. I turned on day time tv which I generally think is full of trash, but found "Dr. Phil". I like Dr. Phil. I'd like to ask him a few questions myself, but that is a different post...
He was talking to parents with troubled teens, just like he is on almost every show. I don't remember what the show was specifically about, but he said something that really stuck with me. He talked about how his son had really wanted a fast, fancy sports car for his 16th birthday. A corvette, or something equivalent to it, and his son was all excited about the horsepower and torque the car would produce. Dr. Phil must have been pretty wealthy by then because he wasn't concerned about the price but rather the power the car had. He said he wouldn't buy the car for his son because we shouldn't place our kids in dangerous situations that they don't have the experience to predict the outcome. We shouldn't expect our kids to respond to life's challenges based on our life experiences. They haven't lived as long and learned as much as we have.
Makes sense.
Logical but often forgotten.
I think quite often I expect different behaviors from my children than I see because that is how a grown up would react but I forget to take the time to teach them the lesson that would lead to the appropriate response.
A month ago, I took all four of my kids and I traveled across the country with them. By myself. (sucker). We had a 5 hour flight. A 2 hour layover. A 2 hour flight. And then a 2 hour drive. We left at 8 am pst and arrived at 1:00 am est. It was a long day. I had: a 10 year old, 7 year old, 4 year old, 2 month old, 4 backpacks, 4 car seats, 7 suitcases, a stroller, a baby front carrier and a partridge in a pear tree. Once the 2 hour flight landed, I had to get a rental car and load all of us, and our luggage, up and drive the remaining 2 hours, by myself (super sucker). I figured I could carry Bubbles in the pouch while pushing a luggage cart with half of the suitcases, Buster could push the other luggage cart and Dodger could push Rascal in the stroller. And all of us could carry a backpack. In order to test my theory, when my sidekick, nervously, dropped us off at the airport, we "practiced". I'm sure we were a sight, all of us loaded down and my Sidekick holding his breath walking next to us, empty handed.
As Buster pushed his (heavy) luggage cart up a sidewalk ramp, he took it at a diagonal. Now, any adult knows that if you take a 3 wheeled cart (1 wheel in the front, 2 in the back) up a ramp at a diagonal, you will not get favorable results. So, when the entire cart tipped over and my Sidekick saw possible future events displayed before him, he was NOT happy. We were loaded down and I couldn't put the cart back together with a baby strapped to my chest. So, in the tense chaos, as we were reloading, I took a breath, lest it happened again while I was alone with them. I said, "Buster, look at the wheels. If you take the triangle pattern wheels at a diagonal, it will loose it's balance and tip. You need to go straight, head on, up the ramp."
He looked at me, wide eyed, with a new understanding in his eyes, and said, "oh and that's different from my bike. I have to go at a diagonal on my bike up a curb so I don't loose balance and fall."
And thus it is Dr. Phil. We expected Buster to handle the adult situation based on our experience but he had not yet learned the lessons he needed to succeed. He used the limited experiences he'd had in his young life which didn't get accurate results.
This was a luggage cart, not a dangerous situation, but the lesson is still the same.
So, as you place your kids in new situations, take a minute to look at it from their perspective and see if they have the skills they need to succeed. Because one day, that luggage cart could be a corvette.
Whaddya think?
5/13/2012
This Mother's Day
My life is complete.
Last year on Mother's Day, I never could have guessed the year we would have and the lengths we would travel this year. But, now that the hard part is over, and I can look back and reflect on the journey that we have taken, I am full of gratitude to my Father in Heaven who has entrusted me with this journey.
As I reflect on the immense blessings in my life, my heart is full and swirling with so many thoughts.
I am grateful for the opportunity that I have to be a mother. After spending 2 years with so many adoption hopeful couples who are searching for the children who will complete their family, I am keenly aware of all of the mothers today whose arms ache for the children they long to hold. The ones they have lost and the ones they have yet to receive. Having had Mothers Days with aching arms, I will always say a prayer on this day, for those who long to feel as complete as I do today. Happy Mother's Day to you. One day, your arms will be full.
I am grateful to all the Mothers in my life. Due to the course of events that my life has taken, I have been blessed to have many mothers. From each of them, I have learned special skills. Listening, Loving, Organization, Happiness, Nurturing. I am grateful to each one of them and the love and guidance they have shown me. Thank you.
I am tearfully grateful for this Mother's Day. It was a Mother's Day that she didn't get to have. So as my children run and scream around me and test our patience to the limits, I am glad that I have the opportunity to be tested. My life would be so dull and lonely without the noise and chaos. I am glad I get to live this Mother's Day and so many after.
But, mostly, this Mother's Day, I am grateful to feel complete. Last year, on Mother's Day, I remember sitting in church and feeling the ache in my arms for the life we had yet to add to our family. A dear friend handed me a card that she had written me acknowledging the ache I must be feeling that day. As I sat in church today, I saw this friend and remembered that feeling of incomplete that I had felt. I had so much, yet I knew there was someone missing. But, as I sat in church today, I felt that the weight of the last year had lifted and a feeling of completeness had taken it's place. This year, for Mother's Day, my Sidekick and I had 4 children and we were a Complete Family. The brothers have voted and we have decided that our caboose will be named Bubbles. She is our special gift. We all worked so hard to get her here.
This year, on Mother's Day, my life is perfectly complete. I am grateful for all the mothers who have loved me, but mostly I am grateful for the gift I have been given to be a mother to Buster, Dodger, Rascal and Bubbles.
I love you all so much.
Whaddya think?
Last year on Mother's Day, I never could have guessed the year we would have and the lengths we would travel this year. But, now that the hard part is over, and I can look back and reflect on the journey that we have taken, I am full of gratitude to my Father in Heaven who has entrusted me with this journey.
As I reflect on the immense blessings in my life, my heart is full and swirling with so many thoughts.
I am grateful for the opportunity that I have to be a mother. After spending 2 years with so many adoption hopeful couples who are searching for the children who will complete their family, I am keenly aware of all of the mothers today whose arms ache for the children they long to hold. The ones they have lost and the ones they have yet to receive. Having had Mothers Days with aching arms, I will always say a prayer on this day, for those who long to feel as complete as I do today. Happy Mother's Day to you. One day, your arms will be full.
I am grateful to all the Mothers in my life. Due to the course of events that my life has taken, I have been blessed to have many mothers. From each of them, I have learned special skills. Listening, Loving, Organization, Happiness, Nurturing. I am grateful to each one of them and the love and guidance they have shown me. Thank you.
I am tearfully grateful for this Mother's Day. It was a Mother's Day that she didn't get to have. So as my children run and scream around me and test our patience to the limits, I am glad that I have the opportunity to be tested. My life would be so dull and lonely without the noise and chaos. I am glad I get to live this Mother's Day and so many after.
But, mostly, this Mother's Day, I am grateful to feel complete. Last year, on Mother's Day, I remember sitting in church and feeling the ache in my arms for the life we had yet to add to our family. A dear friend handed me a card that she had written me acknowledging the ache I must be feeling that day. As I sat in church today, I saw this friend and remembered that feeling of incomplete that I had felt. I had so much, yet I knew there was someone missing. But, as I sat in church today, I felt that the weight of the last year had lifted and a feeling of completeness had taken it's place. This year, for Mother's Day, my Sidekick and I had 4 children and we were a Complete Family. The brothers have voted and we have decided that our caboose will be named Bubbles. She is our special gift. We all worked so hard to get her here.
This year, on Mother's Day, my life is perfectly complete. I am grateful for all the mothers who have loved me, but mostly I am grateful for the gift I have been given to be a mother to Buster, Dodger, Rascal and Bubbles.
I love you all so much.
Whaddya think?
4/05/2012
There's a chair in the restroom, just for you....
Lately, the news in Seattle has been bustling with the story of a group of mothers that are trying to pass a city ordinance to support breast-feeding in public. They are wanting it to be legally proclaimed a civil right. Since I am about to have a baby any day now, and fully plan of breast-feeding in public, I've been listening.
He actually said, "I support a women's right to breast feed her child," says Schmidt. "I have a problem with the city legislating how I run my business. We want to make a decision for my entire client base, not just one category."
It is interesting to me that there is already a Washington State Law in support of breastfeeding. It essentially says that a mother has the right to breast-feed anywhere she has a right to have her baby (so- no bars) without covering up or excusing herself to the bathroom. Apparently this law is not very enforced due to budget cuts and staffing issues, so this group of moms have taken it to the city level.
Personally, I have never had a negative experience nursing in public, but since I am about to enter the nursing world again, I am very interested in this movement that would support mothers doing what is best for their babies. Which is why it infuriated me, when the news interviewed John Schmidt, co-owner of the Neighborhood Grill and he said 'that women sometimes breast feed in his restaurant and he's fine with it. But what if it bothers his other patrons? Would he want a city law to protect it?'
He actually said, "I support a women's right to breast feed her child," says Schmidt. "I have a problem with the city legislating how I run my business. We want to make a decision for my entire client base, not just one category."
When he said this, my sidekick and I just about blew our tops! I could care less that the fact that my public breastfeeding could make someone else uncomfortable. Should we ask every couple in love to not hold hands or kiss in public? Every parent with a busy toddler to never eat out? Or every every disabled person, who is missing an arm, a leg or an eye, to stay out of public eye?
My right to feed my child the most nourishing, stabilizing nutrition I can, is indeed my civil right, no different than my right to feed my toddler healthy grains, fruits and vegetables. The fact that it is made from my own body is completely irrelevant, but a definite plus for me. I know exactly what it is made of. And forcing me to nurse my child under a blanket is akin to forcing you to eat your dinner under a heat lamp.
So, John Schmidt, and every other business owner who thinks that their close minded patrons come before the health of my baby, I have the perfect solution for you. You should provide chairs in the restrooms. That way, when one of your patrons is "uncomfortable" by a mother breastfeeding, the "uncomfortable patron" can take their dinner and eat it there.
I look forward to eating at the Seattle Neighborhood Grill with my nursing baby, and I dare you to ask me to leave or cover up.
Whaddya think?
ADDENDUM:
Due to some of the comments and emails I have received, I feel I should make a clarification. I do not believe that women should be able to nurse anywhere at anytime.
I think I should have a legal right to feed my child, uncovered, anywhere it is appropriate to have my child and anywhere similar activities (eating) are appropriate.
For example, if my child is not welcome (adult only restaurant, a bar, etc) I don't have the right to have my CHILD there, and therefore should not be nursing. In settings where eating or similar acts are not appropriate (some religious meetings, etc) it is not appropriate to nurse my child because EATING is not appropriate (in the same way it would be inappropriate for a grown man to eat a ham sandwich). Also, in religions where it is inappropriate for women to even show their face, or some similar belief that would make public nursing inappropriate, they should be allowed to claim a religious exemption in their house of worship.
I shouldn't ever have to leave or cover up just because some men/boys think my breasts are a sex object and are uncomfortable by my child nursing if I have a right to have my child there and other similar activities are appropriate.
AND DON'T FORGET....
that if you blog, post, email or tweet about the cookbook 2 posts down, you will be entered in the drawing to win a FREE COOK BOOK!! Please help support this amazing family by helping to promote the charity cook book below. Drawing will be THIS MONDAY, April 9th, so be sure and LET ME KNOW, if you blog, post, email or tweet about it.
Thanks!
12/19/2011
This Christmas...
...my heart is full. There are so many unrelated thoughts and feelings that keep tumbling around in my heart and mind.
I am so excited to be having a girl! But, more importantly- this baby has brought a feeling of completeness and understanding. I've never heard of a child, in modern times, more foretold than this baby. Numerous people, at numerous times, in numerous ways, have foretold the coming of this little girl to our family. After years of searching and looking and pondering, I feel the completeness that she will bring to our family. The feeling that someone is missing, is gone, and I can focus on the family that I have. I know that she is in no way like the Christ child, but I can't help wonder how Mary felt, knowing that the child she was carrying held such a destiny. Knowing that it was her job to teach Him everything she could to help Him complete His destiny. He came as a baby, to a mother, just like all of our children, and I am grateful to her, and all mothers, for helping their children complete their destiny.
I am grateful for our modern day Saviors, who give their hearts and souls and reach the forgotten ones. My brother in law, whom I love, was born to a drug addicted mother, as was each one of his 4 brothers, all with different fathers. I don't know why some of our children our brought home to warm, loving and guided homes and others are left at the mercy of others to save, but I am grateful for those who step up and out of their comfort zones to find the forgotten ones. One sweet couple, with one son of their own, adopted all 5 of those forgotten little boys. A couple weeks ago, one of those little boys, now a man, lost his battle in mortality, but I believe that he has another chance, on the other side, to overcome the difficulties of his childhood and find the happiness he deserves. I pray that his family finds the peace and comfort that they deserve while he is pursuing his next journey and bless them, for having the courage to try.
I am grateful for the health my family enjoys and the joy they bring to me. I know that there are many families who struggle to find a balance in this crazy life and live a joyous existence. I LOVE my life. I LOVE my family and I LOVE my husband. I am grateful for the peace and joy they bring me. I know that there are others, who love their families just as much, and struggle to maintain the easy and carefree lifestyle with which I live. One of those families is an old family friend. I grew up with the Fish Family. A family with 8 kids who all have red hair is not one easy to forget. The fact that they were a huge part of our life through the death of my mother and the remarriage of my father, has cemented them into the endeared list in my life. Tyler was my age. We went to each others' birthday parties. I worked with his wife, Elisabeth, and her sister while I was in college, long before they were married. Two great people, from two great families, who have been dealt a hard life blow. They have 5 beautiful children together and 2 of those children (and possibly a 3rd) have an extremely rare immune disease. Leaky SCID, it is called. Essentially it means they have no immune system and the immune system they do have attacks their healthy body. Every little sniffle and cough, that our bodies easily fight off, brings them to the edge of death. It affects 2 children a year in the US, and this family has 2. The children will undergo bone marrow transplants (one of the donors is one of their other children and the other is an anonymous out of state donor) and hopefully after 2 years of seclusion to heal and mend, they can live normal lives. In the meantime, Tyler has quit his job to help in the healing and care of his children. Another family who cherishes each other and just wants joy for their family.
This Christmas, I am grateful for random, unrelated things. (or are they?) I am grateful for my unborn child. I am grateful for the Modern Day Angels that surround us. I am grateful for the health my family has and the joy they bring me.
If you are too, then be a Modern Day Angel in the Fish's life. As the children are being treated, the bills are mounting. You can read more about them here and show your gratitude and love by dropping into your nearest Wells Fargo and donating to the Fish Children Donation Fund.
Merry Christmas and may your heart this year be as happy and full as mine.
Whaddya think?
I am so excited to be having a girl! But, more importantly- this baby has brought a feeling of completeness and understanding. I've never heard of a child, in modern times, more foretold than this baby. Numerous people, at numerous times, in numerous ways, have foretold the coming of this little girl to our family. After years of searching and looking and pondering, I feel the completeness that she will bring to our family. The feeling that someone is missing, is gone, and I can focus on the family that I have. I know that she is in no way like the Christ child, but I can't help wonder how Mary felt, knowing that the child she was carrying held such a destiny. Knowing that it was her job to teach Him everything she could to help Him complete His destiny. He came as a baby, to a mother, just like all of our children, and I am grateful to her, and all mothers, for helping their children complete their destiny.
I am grateful for our modern day Saviors, who give their hearts and souls and reach the forgotten ones. My brother in law, whom I love, was born to a drug addicted mother, as was each one of his 4 brothers, all with different fathers. I don't know why some of our children our brought home to warm, loving and guided homes and others are left at the mercy of others to save, but I am grateful for those who step up and out of their comfort zones to find the forgotten ones. One sweet couple, with one son of their own, adopted all 5 of those forgotten little boys. A couple weeks ago, one of those little boys, now a man, lost his battle in mortality, but I believe that he has another chance, on the other side, to overcome the difficulties of his childhood and find the happiness he deserves. I pray that his family finds the peace and comfort that they deserve while he is pursuing his next journey and bless them, for having the courage to try.
I am grateful for the health my family enjoys and the joy they bring to me. I know that there are many families who struggle to find a balance in this crazy life and live a joyous existence. I LOVE my life. I LOVE my family and I LOVE my husband. I am grateful for the peace and joy they bring me. I know that there are others, who love their families just as much, and struggle to maintain the easy and carefree lifestyle with which I live. One of those families is an old family friend. I grew up with the Fish Family. A family with 8 kids who all have red hair is not one easy to forget. The fact that they were a huge part of our life through the death of my mother and the remarriage of my father, has cemented them into the endeared list in my life. Tyler was my age. We went to each others' birthday parties. I worked with his wife, Elisabeth, and her sister while I was in college, long before they were married. Two great people, from two great families, who have been dealt a hard life blow. They have 5 beautiful children together and 2 of those children (and possibly a 3rd) have an extremely rare immune disease. Leaky SCID, it is called. Essentially it means they have no immune system and the immune system they do have attacks their healthy body. Every little sniffle and cough, that our bodies easily fight off, brings them to the edge of death. It affects 2 children a year in the US, and this family has 2. The children will undergo bone marrow transplants (one of the donors is one of their other children and the other is an anonymous out of state donor) and hopefully after 2 years of seclusion to heal and mend, they can live normal lives. In the meantime, Tyler has quit his job to help in the healing and care of his children. Another family who cherishes each other and just wants joy for their family.
This Christmas, I am grateful for random, unrelated things. (or are they?) I am grateful for my unborn child. I am grateful for the Modern Day Angels that surround us. I am grateful for the health my family has and the joy they bring me.
If you are too, then be a Modern Day Angel in the Fish's life. As the children are being treated, the bills are mounting. You can read more about them here and show your gratitude and love by dropping into your nearest Wells Fargo and donating to the Fish Children Donation Fund.
Merry Christmas and may your heart this year be as happy and full as mine.
Whaddya think?
12/05/2011
Feel the Magic...
Do you remember last Christmas?
When you came home from school to find that your house had been transformed into a beautiful Christmas wonderland with the exception of the ornaments and the star, which your mother saved for you and your siblings to help decorate the tree with.
The next day, the house would smell so delicious and you would get to assemble the plates of goodies and help deliver them to your friends neighbors.
Gifts for your teachers would be wrapped and placed in your back pack, but you had to remember to pull them out and give them to your teacher!
You saved your dollars and pennies for weeks so that you could buy some gifts for your family and best friends. You would hide in your room and meticulously wrap them and deliver them or place them under the tree.
And speaking of the tree, that magic tree, where beautiful wrapped presents, for you, would magically appear overnight!
Christmas Eve was filled with stories and family togetherness and Christmas dinner was beautiful and Divine! Sometimes you'd have to peel the potatoes or set the table, but most of it just magically appeared.
The weeks of Christmas were filled with joy, laughter and excitement! It was all you could do to wait for it to come again next year!
And then, you grew up, and became the mother, and realized where the magic of Christmas actually came from. Your mother.
And now, that you are the mother, it dawns on you that she had spent hours and hours shopping for the perfect present (and turkey and decorations...) Then the presents were hid until they could be wrapped (and re-hid because she suspected you of snooping). Teacher gifts were bought and assembled after the children were long ago in bed. After she'd bought the decorations, she'd spent days transforming the house and simmering the potpourri on the stove. Hours were spent baking and baking and baking some more. The Christmas Eve program had been planned and gathered and organized. Christmas day was spent in the kitchen, cooking the perfect meal, while you had played in the other room with your new toys.
And all this (and more) was done in addition to the dinners, basketball practices, laundry and cleaning that came with the regular day to day.
And as you try and replicate the magic for your own family, somewhere along the way, you realize that Christmas has become less magical for you, and much more stressful.
Sound familiar?
I've been amazed lately at the number of family and friends who spend every December, completely stressed. Last night, I was telling my Sidekick this and he said,"Well, it doesn't have to be, they just need to start early." and my jaw just dropped as I stared at him.
Seriously? You started 2 days ago. And your job, your only job, is to buy my presents. PERIOD.
I decorated the house. I bought ALL the other presents. I ordered and addressed all 100 Christmas cards (and had the picture taken and gathered all the updated addresses). I assembled teachers' gifts and made Christmas goodies. Me. The mom.
(My gift better be awesome.)
To be fair, I'm not at all upset with my Sidekick (I'd rather do it all my way anyway) and I'm not stressed out.
My secret- my Christmas is done by Thanksgiving. (this year, I was a little behind, since I was laid up during my normal prep time, but I'm almost caught up). My Christmas card pics are taken in August. (the sky is brighter= better light, and you have more time.) My Christmas cards are ordered and addressed and stamped in early November. Teachers presents, friends gifts, and 90% of Christmas is bought and hidden (and sometimes wrapped) before I buy my November turkey.
I LOVE Christmas and I refuse to spend the month stressed. I'm not big on stressing anyway- what does it really solve- but I want a magic Christmas, for me too.
My December is filled with magic elves, wrapping presents and making goodies. The month is calendared out at the beginning so everything I want to enjoy gets done. The house smells good, the carols play, and every night is a Christmas movie (well- most nights).
My Christmas is still magical. Even as a mom.
And when I do get behind, or a ball gets dropped, I don't fret it. Every day is filled with enough laughter, enough song, enough magic, enough giving, that I figure people will remember what I have done and never notice what I missed.
You have 3 weeks left. Make sure you take some time this month to remember what Christmas is really about and and relish in the magic.
The stressing, can wait until next month.
Whaddya think?
When you came home from school to find that your house had been transformed into a beautiful Christmas wonderland with the exception of the ornaments and the star, which your mother saved for you and your siblings to help decorate the tree with.
The next day, the house would smell so delicious and you would get to assemble the plates of goodies and help deliver them to your friends neighbors.
Gifts for your teachers would be wrapped and placed in your back pack, but you had to remember to pull them out and give them to your teacher!
You saved your dollars and pennies for weeks so that you could buy some gifts for your family and best friends. You would hide in your room and meticulously wrap them and deliver them or place them under the tree.
And speaking of the tree, that magic tree, where beautiful wrapped presents, for you, would magically appear overnight!
Christmas Eve was filled with stories and family togetherness and Christmas dinner was beautiful and Divine! Sometimes you'd have to peel the potatoes or set the table, but most of it just magically appeared.
The weeks of Christmas were filled with joy, laughter and excitement! It was all you could do to wait for it to come again next year!
And then, you grew up, and became the mother, and realized where the magic of Christmas actually came from. Your mother.
And now, that you are the mother, it dawns on you that she had spent hours and hours shopping for the perfect present (and turkey and decorations...) Then the presents were hid until they could be wrapped (and re-hid because she suspected you of snooping). Teacher gifts were bought and assembled after the children were long ago in bed. After she'd bought the decorations, she'd spent days transforming the house and simmering the potpourri on the stove. Hours were spent baking and baking and baking some more. The Christmas Eve program had been planned and gathered and organized. Christmas day was spent in the kitchen, cooking the perfect meal, while you had played in the other room with your new toys.
And all this (and more) was done in addition to the dinners, basketball practices, laundry and cleaning that came with the regular day to day.
And as you try and replicate the magic for your own family, somewhere along the way, you realize that Christmas has become less magical for you, and much more stressful.
Sound familiar?
I've been amazed lately at the number of family and friends who spend every December, completely stressed. Last night, I was telling my Sidekick this and he said,"Well, it doesn't have to be, they just need to start early." and my jaw just dropped as I stared at him.
Seriously? You started 2 days ago. And your job, your only job, is to buy my presents. PERIOD.
I decorated the house. I bought ALL the other presents. I ordered and addressed all 100 Christmas cards (and had the picture taken and gathered all the updated addresses). I assembled teachers' gifts and made Christmas goodies. Me. The mom.
(My gift better be awesome.)
To be fair, I'm not at all upset with my Sidekick (I'd rather do it all my way anyway) and I'm not stressed out.
My secret- my Christmas is done by Thanksgiving. (this year, I was a little behind, since I was laid up during my normal prep time, but I'm almost caught up). My Christmas card pics are taken in August. (the sky is brighter= better light, and you have more time.) My Christmas cards are ordered and addressed and stamped in early November. Teachers presents, friends gifts, and 90% of Christmas is bought and hidden (and sometimes wrapped) before I buy my November turkey.
I LOVE Christmas and I refuse to spend the month stressed. I'm not big on stressing anyway- what does it really solve- but I want a magic Christmas, for me too.
My December is filled with magic elves, wrapping presents and making goodies. The month is calendared out at the beginning so everything I want to enjoy gets done. The house smells good, the carols play, and every night is a Christmas movie (well- most nights).
My Christmas is still magical. Even as a mom.
And when I do get behind, or a ball gets dropped, I don't fret it. Every day is filled with enough laughter, enough song, enough magic, enough giving, that I figure people will remember what I have done and never notice what I missed.
You have 3 weeks left. Make sure you take some time this month to remember what Christmas is really about and and relish in the magic.
The stressing, can wait until next month.
Whaddya think?
10/19/2011
Today is The Day
Today I am 34 years and 50 days old. My mother was 34 years and 49 days old when she drew her last breath.
I've been anticipating this day for the better part of the year. I've been wondering what emotions it would invoke in me and how I would want to spend the day. Would I be sad, empowered or depressed? Do I plan a fun family trip or spend it like any other normal day?
As I approached this day I guessed I would be kind of sad and I wavered between elaborate plans of fancy family vacations or a day filled with symbolic events: carousels, Wendy's hamburgers (with lettuce and mayonnaise only) and krispy kreme donuts. But, now that this day is here and I look back at the miracles that have taken place in my life over the last few months, I feel very different than I anticipated I would.
I feel so grateful.
I have spent the last two months on my couch with hyperemesis. When I decided to have another baby, I knew I would be sick and I prepared as much as possible, but nothing can completely prepare you for the debilitating illness to come. I laid on my couch (sometimes in my bed, too sick to make it to the couch) and watched life happen around me. Rides were offered for my children, meals were brought in, a party was thrown for Rascal when he turned 4, sitters were provided when my Sidekick needed a break, pizza gift cards anonymously showed up in the mail, my children were watched and cared for and my house was cleaned; all while I laid on the couch, sometimes too sick to speak. Most of the time, I didn't even ask for it, things just happened.
At night, I would lay in my bed and cry. I just wanted to be a mom again; make dinner, drive carpool, snuggle with my kids. And for some reason (probably because this pregnancy happened this year), I missed my mother more than ever.
As I look back over the last few months, I am in awe of the parallel of our lives. These past couple of months, in her life, were spent much the same way. Children were cared for, meals were brought in and her house was cleaned. My ninth birthday party was thrown by one of her friends. She laid on the couch, day after , miserable, and watched her life happen around her.
In the most healthy way possible, because of living these parallel lives, I've been able to get a taste of how she lived the last months of her life. Only her suffering marked the end of a life and my suffering marked the beginning of one.
A few months before my mother found out she had cancer, she had a miscarriage. Her plan was always to try again once the cancer was under control, but she never got that chance.
But, I do. I get to have the baby she never got to have.
In many ways, this baby is my compensation. The child I get because my mother was taken away so early. The life I am entrusted with, that she wanted so badly and never got. This baby, is my sweet justice.
And now that I'm here, it doesn't much matter how I spend today, but rather how I spend every day here after. All the days she never got to have. I know that she is there, watching over us and comforting us in every way possible, quite often through the guided acts of others. I didn't plan for things to line up the way they did but I am so grateful for the healing this timing has brought. Healing that I didn't know that I needed.
I am grateful for the dozens of people that have served my family, these last few months and 25 years ago. I am grateful for the love and comfort that I have felt through it all. I am grateful that this life will bring joy and comfort, healing and justice to my family and I am grateful for the lessons I have learned through the timing of these events. But, mostly I am grateful that I have been entrusted with these four amazing children. I am grateful I get to teach them and love them and I am so grateful to have love and guidance and protection from up above.
On this day, I am 34 years and 50 days old. And I am so grateful.
Whaddya think?
I've been anticipating this day for the better part of the year. I've been wondering what emotions it would invoke in me and how I would want to spend the day. Would I be sad, empowered or depressed? Do I plan a fun family trip or spend it like any other normal day?
As I approached this day I guessed I would be kind of sad and I wavered between elaborate plans of fancy family vacations or a day filled with symbolic events: carousels, Wendy's hamburgers (with lettuce and mayonnaise only) and krispy kreme donuts. But, now that this day is here and I look back at the miracles that have taken place in my life over the last few months, I feel very different than I anticipated I would.
I feel so grateful.
I have spent the last two months on my couch with hyperemesis. When I decided to have another baby, I knew I would be sick and I prepared as much as possible, but nothing can completely prepare you for the debilitating illness to come. I laid on my couch (sometimes in my bed, too sick to make it to the couch) and watched life happen around me. Rides were offered for my children, meals were brought in, a party was thrown for Rascal when he turned 4, sitters were provided when my Sidekick needed a break, pizza gift cards anonymously showed up in the mail, my children were watched and cared for and my house was cleaned; all while I laid on the couch, sometimes too sick to speak. Most of the time, I didn't even ask for it, things just happened.
At night, I would lay in my bed and cry. I just wanted to be a mom again; make dinner, drive carpool, snuggle with my kids. And for some reason (probably because this pregnancy happened this year), I missed my mother more than ever.
As I look back over the last few months, I am in awe of the parallel of our lives. These past couple of months, in her life, were spent much the same way. Children were cared for, meals were brought in and her house was cleaned. My ninth birthday party was thrown by one of her friends. She laid on the couch, day after , miserable, and watched her life happen around her.
In the most healthy way possible, because of living these parallel lives, I've been able to get a taste of how she lived the last months of her life. Only her suffering marked the end of a life and my suffering marked the beginning of one.
A few months before my mother found out she had cancer, she had a miscarriage. Her plan was always to try again once the cancer was under control, but she never got that chance.
But, I do. I get to have the baby she never got to have.
In many ways, this baby is my compensation. The child I get because my mother was taken away so early. The life I am entrusted with, that she wanted so badly and never got. This baby, is my sweet justice.
And now that I'm here, it doesn't much matter how I spend today, but rather how I spend every day here after. All the days she never got to have. I know that she is there, watching over us and comforting us in every way possible, quite often through the guided acts of others. I didn't plan for things to line up the way they did but I am so grateful for the healing this timing has brought. Healing that I didn't know that I needed.
I am grateful for the dozens of people that have served my family, these last few months and 25 years ago. I am grateful for the love and comfort that I have felt through it all. I am grateful that this life will bring joy and comfort, healing and justice to my family and I am grateful for the lessons I have learned through the timing of these events. But, mostly I am grateful that I have been entrusted with these four amazing children. I am grateful I get to teach them and love them and I am so grateful to have love and guidance and protection from up above.
On this day, I am 34 years and 50 days old. And I am so grateful.
Whaddya think?
10/14/2011
Bringing the Fallen Home
Last year, as we approached Veteran's Day, I wrote a post about my love for my Grandfather, Brother-in-Law, Uncle, cousin, friends and all the other veterans in my life. I have an enormous soft spot on my heart for our nation's military and the sacrifices they make every day, so I can live the life I live.
This year, as Veteran's Day approaches, I want to bring your attention to a project that is dear to my heart. The visionary of this project is my uncle, Les Carroll, and the fallen veterans mentioned in this film pitch, Carlos Aragon and Nigel Olsen were good friends and fellow marines who served in Afghanistan with my brother in law. I encourage you to watch the following video and, if it moves you, make a donation to it's cause. There is a story behind every statistic we hear on the news and those stories deserve to be told.
I would consider it a personal favor if you could pass this along. Blog about it, post it on your facebook page, tweet it; anything that could help spread the word. The more people who know, the better the chance we have of learning the stories behind the numbers.
Watch the video and learn more about the project here.
Whaddya think?
This year, as Veteran's Day approaches, I want to bring your attention to a project that is dear to my heart. The visionary of this project is my uncle, Les Carroll, and the fallen veterans mentioned in this film pitch, Carlos Aragon and Nigel Olsen were good friends and fellow marines who served in Afghanistan with my brother in law. I encourage you to watch the following video and, if it moves you, make a donation to it's cause. There is a story behind every statistic we hear on the news and those stories deserve to be told.
I would consider it a personal favor if you could pass this along. Blog about it, post it on your facebook page, tweet it; anything that could help spread the word. The more people who know, the better the chance we have of learning the stories behind the numbers.
Watch the video and learn more about the project here.
Whaddya think?
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