I recently heard of a story where a young man grabbed his
girlfriend at a party and teasingly taunted her by threatening to throw her into the
pool. He laughed and she tried to break
free as the crowd around them chanted, “Do it! Do it!” They both ended up in the pool and he surfaced full of pride and laughing. However she
came up, fully clothed with the look on her face that every woman knows. It says, “I must pretend. I can’t let them see how terrifying that was
because I will be labeled ‘not fun’ or ‘too sensitive’. Don’t let them see how you really feel.”
In this world, around every corner, there are Anonymous,
scared faces, there are Brocks, there are crowds, and there are Swedes. The Anonymous, scared faces have found
themselves in situations out of their control.
Maybe they made a (or some) bad choice or maybe it is of no fault of
their own- how they got there doesn’t really matter, what does matter is that they didn’t choose THIS moment at
THIS time. There are also Brocks, those
who use circumstance, strength and power to force another to do something or be
a part of something against their will.
No one should ever have to know the feeling of having their body used
against their will. There are also crowds. They ignore they feelings and faces and only
focus on “minding their own business” or “all for the sake of fun.” These people have forgotten their
responsibility to the soul. They have
chosen to ignore the pain and suffering and trauma of others. And then there are Swedes. They are the heroes. They are the ones that despite the late hour
or the darkness, they have taught themselves to not only be in a position to
SEE but also to DO. They provide the
rest of us with hope.
I have realized that I am raising a whole
slew of white, privileged children. I
cannot promise you how they will turn out- that is yet to be determined and
free agency is real. But, I can promise
you what I will teach them. I teach them
that they are NEVER to use their strength and power to take away the choice of
another person. This is especially true
but not exclusive to the rights one has over his/her own body. I teach my slew of white, privileged boys
that as a man who is genetically stronger and larger (it’s biology), they have
a solemn responsibility to respect and protect those weaker and smaller. If roles were reversed and that young lady
had tried to force a young man into the pool against his will, and he truly did
NOT want to go- he would have thrown her in, and she could not have stopped
him. So why then is it ok for him to
force her to do something, with her body, that she is powerless to
prevent? (Hint= IT ISN’T). And just as important, I am teaching my boys
that when they witness someone whose mother didn’t teach them this vital lesson
(or that person chose to not listen to Mama), as the stronger, more capable and
momentarily safe person, they have that same solemn responsibility to SEE and
then DO something about it; to STOP the misuse of strength and power. I teach them to please be the Swede.
And if the day comes that my children do the unthinkable and
cause harm to another and break my mother heart, I will stand by them. But, I will not, ever cause further harm and
trauma to their victim and sacrifice a soul in order to soften the natural
consequences of their choices. My love
for my children and my desire for them to be truly happy just simply will not
allow it. Support does not equate
consequence padding, it instead teaches them strength and integrity.
Thank you Carl-Fredrik Arndt and Peter Jonsson for providing me real life
heroes and role models for my children just by being who you are.
Because of you I have a tangible example of how to teach my
children to SEE the soul and then DO something.
And because of you, in our family doing the right thing, will always be synonymous with #BeTheSwede
