For my friends...
Sometimes in life, an event so catastrophic occurs that it is life changing. You will never look at things the same way; life will never again be "normal". For many of us, 9/11 was like this. Those of us who lived through 9/11 will never again have that feeling of invincibility that we had before. Those of us deeply affected, will always have a greater sense of country and a desire to support those who fight for our freedom. We will never fly on an airplane without remembering those who gave their life to save thousands of others.
It is in the aftermath of these life changing events that we begin to realize who we really are, what we truly believe in and who we can ultimately rely on. From the ashes of the aftermath, we gather the fibers of what is left and we begin to build our new normal. With the passing of time and with the love and support and comfort of those who love us most, we begin to repair the damage that has been done and re piece together our lives. The cracks will always show and the damage will never be forgotten, but eventually, we will be happy again. We will find a way to live with the sorrow the event has caused and do good with our lives again.
It is like open heart surgery. Our chest has been ripped open and our heart has been taken out. But, we are given a new heart, or a repaired heart, that can beat and supply us with the life sustaining force we need. Our chest is repaired and stitched and we have weeks of intense recovery. Which is followed by months and sometimes years of therapies and support. But, eventually, we do recover. Our chest will never look the same again and we will always be reminded of the journey we have traveled, but we will be able to love and laugh and live again.
I am sorry if you are among the numbered that has been through such an event. It changes us in ways that can't be seen by the natural eye. But, in the end, if we just keep swimming, we become stronger. I was taught to swim when I was a little girl, and there have been many times in life when I can only tread water. Sometimes, I even need a life vest. But, I am determined to stay afloat. There is no logical reason to have a contact in my phone for my mother, but even after 25 years, I need that number there, even if it is a number to no where. Because having a contact to her, is sometimes my way of staying afloat.
And remember through it all, that it is after the darkest of storms that we are blessed with the most brilliant rainbows.
If you have been through such an event, and are having a hard time treading water, I would be happy to listen and love you through it. Email me.
Whaddya think?
6/13/2011
5/22/2011
Sometimes, It's a Rainbow...
Sometimes, Life is Hard.
It is full of hard choices, hard circumstances and hard experiences. Sometimes, it is because your days are filled with fear and sadness as you help an ailing parent. Sometimes it is because of the loved one who is determined to live a difficult life, and you are forced to sit and watch. Sometimes life is full of anxiety as your life circumstances change and spiral out of control. And sometimes, it is simply hard because you are terrified at the choices placed before you.
I have experienced hard things in my life. But, I have found along the way, that it was when my life seemed the hardest, the saddest or I was at my loneliest or most afraid, that that is when we are lifted the highest.
I believe that no matter the circumstances of our life that the Lord is always looking over us and it is during our darkest moments that he sends us the sweetness of his Tender Mercies. Lately, for me, these Tender Mercies have been manifested in a heart felt card from a friend and an unexpected gift in the mail, with a book that was sent just for me. This sweet children's book said exactly what I needed to hear, on that exact right day. And most prominently, the sweetest Tender Mercy was shown to me in the form of a rainbow, displayed brightly across the sparsely clouded sky, amidst the brightest sunshine.
It is when we feel that we are at the end of our rope that we should look around, for the simply and sweet ways He finds to manifest Himself.
I am grateful for Tender Mercies in my life and I am grateful that when I need them most they encompass and surround me.
Whaddya Think?
It is full of hard choices, hard circumstances and hard experiences. Sometimes, it is because your days are filled with fear and sadness as you help an ailing parent. Sometimes it is because of the loved one who is determined to live a difficult life, and you are forced to sit and watch. Sometimes life is full of anxiety as your life circumstances change and spiral out of control. And sometimes, it is simply hard because you are terrified at the choices placed before you.
I have experienced hard things in my life. But, I have found along the way, that it was when my life seemed the hardest, the saddest or I was at my loneliest or most afraid, that that is when we are lifted the highest.
I believe that no matter the circumstances of our life that the Lord is always looking over us and it is during our darkest moments that he sends us the sweetness of his Tender Mercies. Lately, for me, these Tender Mercies have been manifested in a heart felt card from a friend and an unexpected gift in the mail, with a book that was sent just for me. This sweet children's book said exactly what I needed to hear, on that exact right day. And most prominently, the sweetest Tender Mercy was shown to me in the form of a rainbow, displayed brightly across the sparsely clouded sky, amidst the brightest sunshine.
It is when we feel that we are at the end of our rope that we should look around, for the simply and sweet ways He finds to manifest Himself.
I am grateful for Tender Mercies in my life and I am grateful that when I need them most they encompass and surround me.
Whaddya Think?
4/20/2011
Write it down...
A few days ago, I was cleaning out behind the hedges in front of my house, and I uncovered a bird's nest. It was nestled on the ground up against the house and it held four tiny, candy-like eggs. It was perfect. And beautiful. I was so careful when I showed the boys and made sure they knew not to get near it or touch it. I had the perfect vantage point from my stairwell window so each time I went up or down the stairs, I could check on my little bird's nest. I was so excited to watch the eggs hatch and the babies grow and learn to fly. I was thrilled when I saw the mother bird return that night to her nest.
However, a couple of mornings later, as I was coming downstairs to start my day, I peeked out the stairwell window and noticed something was awry with my little nest. I ran outside and to my horror saw that overnight, something had found the nest and overturned it, spilling the eggs across the ground. The mama bird lay there, lifeless, next to her shattered dream of tomorrow.
As my mother neared the end of her life, she hurried to organize and complete the things she felt were the most important to leave for us. She busied her time updating the family scrapbooks and making baby blankets for the grandchildren she would never get to hold. She spent time with us, making memories and enjoying the things that we loved most. She ensured that our childhood keepsakes; our report cards, baby books and baptismal clothing, were protected and preserved. But, just like my mama bird, her time ran out sooner than she expected, and her bucket list was left incomplete. Among the items left undone, were the letters that she meant to write to me and my brothers. I long for the letter that was never written. Although I cherish being able to wrap my baby up in the blanket that was made with love, just for them, long before they were imagined, and I guard the family photo albums that were carefully assembled and labeled in her beautiful pen, I mourn for the words that were meant only for me. The hopes and dreams that she had for me and the pride she felt as I accomplished milestones in my life. And although I know that just like my mama bird, she had every intention on seeing it accomplished, I find myself angry that the task was never completed.
So, today, when I sent my kids off to school, I told them I loved them and that they are amazing. And tonight after they are in bed, I will write in my journal and record the hopes, dreams and love I have for those who mean the most to me. Because although it is still vitally important to say it out loud and say it frequently, as time goes by, sometimes we forget the feelings of yesterday and the lessons learned. All we have left are the records that we keep, so in addition to saying it out loud, we need to take a moment here and there, and write it down. People move on to the next life, bird's nests get destroyed, but records keep forever. And today, I wish I knew the dreams of yesterday.
Whaddya think?
However, a couple of mornings later, as I was coming downstairs to start my day, I peeked out the stairwell window and noticed something was awry with my little nest. I ran outside and to my horror saw that overnight, something had found the nest and overturned it, spilling the eggs across the ground. The mama bird lay there, lifeless, next to her shattered dream of tomorrow.
As my mother neared the end of her life, she hurried to organize and complete the things she felt were the most important to leave for us. She busied her time updating the family scrapbooks and making baby blankets for the grandchildren she would never get to hold. She spent time with us, making memories and enjoying the things that we loved most. She ensured that our childhood keepsakes; our report cards, baby books and baptismal clothing, were protected and preserved. But, just like my mama bird, her time ran out sooner than she expected, and her bucket list was left incomplete. Among the items left undone, were the letters that she meant to write to me and my brothers. I long for the letter that was never written. Although I cherish being able to wrap my baby up in the blanket that was made with love, just for them, long before they were imagined, and I guard the family photo albums that were carefully assembled and labeled in her beautiful pen, I mourn for the words that were meant only for me. The hopes and dreams that she had for me and the pride she felt as I accomplished milestones in my life. And although I know that just like my mama bird, she had every intention on seeing it accomplished, I find myself angry that the task was never completed.
So, today, when I sent my kids off to school, I told them I loved them and that they are amazing. And tonight after they are in bed, I will write in my journal and record the hopes, dreams and love I have for those who mean the most to me. Because although it is still vitally important to say it out loud and say it frequently, as time goes by, sometimes we forget the feelings of yesterday and the lessons learned. All we have left are the records that we keep, so in addition to saying it out loud, we need to take a moment here and there, and write it down. People move on to the next life, bird's nests get destroyed, but records keep forever. And today, I wish I knew the dreams of yesterday.
Whaddya think?
1/26/2011
This is The Year
Recently over the years, as my birthdays have come and gone and I have grown older, I've found myself counting down to this year. It won't be a society recognized milestone birthday or a birthday that people would naturally assume as a transition point in my life. For many, this year will come and go as every other year does. But, for me, this will definitely be a turning point, or maybe a better way of saying it is a "passing point" in my life. This year, I will turn 34 and at some point later in this year, I will become and then surpass, the age my mother was when she died.
As this date has become closer and closer as the years have gone by, I couldn't help but notice the similarities between our life paths. At this point in our lives, we have both been married for about the same amount of time. We both have 3 children that did not come to us easily. Our child bearing years were marred with miscarriages and near death experiences. We both chose to be Stay at Home Moms as we lived the American Dream with homes and good friends and family to support our daily lives. We were both very involved in our churches with a deep love and gratitude for our Heavenly Father, His Son Jesus Christ and their brilliant and guiding Plan.
This year, with its upcoming date, has stirred many emotions in me as it has neared. Gratitude. Fear. Excitement. Trepidation. Accomplishment. Sadness. Eagerness. Loneliness. It has always been about me. The accomplishment of making it further than she did. The sadness of not being able to share my motherhood stories with my own mother. The fear that there is always the chance that I may not make it either. And the gratitude that, chances are, I will have more time that she did.
But, last night as I sat in my most sacred of places, wearing the dress that she had once worn, I pondered this milestone that only I will have this year. As I ran my fingers along the lace of my dress, Her dress, I wondered when the last time was that she had done that same thing, and suddenly this year became much less about me, and all about her. For her, this year, was a year of Lasts. At this point in the year, she would have just concluded her Last Christmas. Her last plate of milk and cookies, her last Christmas morning filled with fun, excitement and Santa's Loot. She would be heading into the year that would provide her Last Easter, her Last Birthday, her Last Family Gathering. She would experience her Last Carpool, her Last Closet Monster Check, her Last Parent Teacher Conference, and her Last Kiss Goodnight. I imagine that often times the last time would come and go and she never got the chance to realize she'd never get that chance again. I wondered how many things she would have done different if she'd known it would be the last time.
I thought about this year I was beginning, filled with birthday parties, family vacations, basketball games, piano lessons, family game nights and good night kisses and I ached for her. My year will be full of her lasts and then I will awaken and get to do it all again next year. So, this year, I am having a plaque made to hang above my door that reads, "This Year, I will Cherish Today." So, that every day when I roll out of bed and begin my day with my family, I will remember that this day, for her, held a last time. And when my special day comes and goes and my life has surpassed my mothers, I will keep my sign to remind me that that day, was a day she didn't have. And I will cherish every one.
If you knew her and have a story you'd like to share, I'd love to hear it.
Whaddya think?
As this date has become closer and closer as the years have gone by, I couldn't help but notice the similarities between our life paths. At this point in our lives, we have both been married for about the same amount of time. We both have 3 children that did not come to us easily. Our child bearing years were marred with miscarriages and near death experiences. We both chose to be Stay at Home Moms as we lived the American Dream with homes and good friends and family to support our daily lives. We were both very involved in our churches with a deep love and gratitude for our Heavenly Father, His Son Jesus Christ and their brilliant and guiding Plan.
This year, with its upcoming date, has stirred many emotions in me as it has neared. Gratitude. Fear. Excitement. Trepidation. Accomplishment. Sadness. Eagerness. Loneliness. It has always been about me. The accomplishment of making it further than she did. The sadness of not being able to share my motherhood stories with my own mother. The fear that there is always the chance that I may not make it either. And the gratitude that, chances are, I will have more time that she did.
But, last night as I sat in my most sacred of places, wearing the dress that she had once worn, I pondered this milestone that only I will have this year. As I ran my fingers along the lace of my dress, Her dress, I wondered when the last time was that she had done that same thing, and suddenly this year became much less about me, and all about her. For her, this year, was a year of Lasts. At this point in the year, she would have just concluded her Last Christmas. Her last plate of milk and cookies, her last Christmas morning filled with fun, excitement and Santa's Loot. She would be heading into the year that would provide her Last Easter, her Last Birthday, her Last Family Gathering. She would experience her Last Carpool, her Last Closet Monster Check, her Last Parent Teacher Conference, and her Last Kiss Goodnight. I imagine that often times the last time would come and go and she never got the chance to realize she'd never get that chance again. I wondered how many things she would have done different if she'd known it would be the last time.
I thought about this year I was beginning, filled with birthday parties, family vacations, basketball games, piano lessons, family game nights and good night kisses and I ached for her. My year will be full of her lasts and then I will awaken and get to do it all again next year. So, this year, I am having a plaque made to hang above my door that reads, "This Year, I will Cherish Today." So, that every day when I roll out of bed and begin my day with my family, I will remember that this day, for her, held a last time. And when my special day comes and goes and my life has surpassed my mothers, I will keep my sign to remind me that that day, was a day she didn't have. And I will cherish every one.
If you knew her and have a story you'd like to share, I'd love to hear it.
Whaddya think?
12/17/2010
A Mother's Christmas Wish
This week is Dodger's birthday and so I can't help but reflect on the week he was born six years ago. Having a baby a week before Christmas is hectic and requires some advance planning. I had to be completely ready for Christmas well in advance; all the shopping, delivering, wrapping, and preparing had to be done because I knew that once that baby came there would be no time for Christmas preparations.
But, once he came, all of the bows and wrappings and gifts were just not what I was thinking of. As I looked at my tiny little boy, I couldn't help but realize the similarities between what I was feeling and what another mother felt two thousand years before:
A long time ago on a cold winter night, in a land far, far away, a Mother held her newborn son and with a full heart, said a prayer to thank her Father in Heaven for this treasure he had entrusted her with. She knew she had an important job to do. She had to raise her son to love and honor His Father and to be true to Himself. So, she vowed to her Father that she would do all in her power, and never quit, to teach her child the things she should so he could fulfill His role on Earth. She loved her baby, and she wanted Him to fulfill His mission. She didn't know everything that He was sent to do, but she knew that, though it would be terribly hard, it was also vitally important. Yet as she looked at him that night, all she saw a beautiful yet helpless, defenseless baby, that she would have to serve and teach and love.
In some way, isn't that how we all feel as we look at our new babies? Whether they are born in December, March or June, each child comes to earth with a role that, in some way, is vitally important. So, this year, don't forget in addition to the glitter and glamor of Christmas, to give your child the gift of service. Give her the gift of strength. Give him the gift of love. Because it is our job as parents to help them fulfill their missions.
Merry Christmas!
Whaddya think?
But, once he came, all of the bows and wrappings and gifts were just not what I was thinking of. As I looked at my tiny little boy, I couldn't help but realize the similarities between what I was feeling and what another mother felt two thousand years before:
A long time ago on a cold winter night, in a land far, far away, a Mother held her newborn son and with a full heart, said a prayer to thank her Father in Heaven for this treasure he had entrusted her with. She knew she had an important job to do. She had to raise her son to love and honor His Father and to be true to Himself. So, she vowed to her Father that she would do all in her power, and never quit, to teach her child the things she should so he could fulfill His role on Earth. She loved her baby, and she wanted Him to fulfill His mission. She didn't know everything that He was sent to do, but she knew that, though it would be terribly hard, it was also vitally important. Yet as she looked at him that night, all she saw a beautiful yet helpless, defenseless baby, that she would have to serve and teach and love.
In some way, isn't that how we all feel as we look at our new babies? Whether they are born in December, March or June, each child comes to earth with a role that, in some way, is vitally important. So, this year, don't forget in addition to the glitter and glamor of Christmas, to give your child the gift of service. Give her the gift of strength. Give him the gift of love. Because it is our job as parents to help them fulfill their missions.
Merry Christmas!
Whaddya think?
11/08/2010
To the Soldiers in My Life
Thursday, is Veterans Day. To some, that may mean a day off of work or school. To some, it means that they don't get their mail, or they won't be able to go to the library. For others, it means good sales at their favorite stores. And to others, it is just any ordinary day.
For me, it isn't an ordinary day. Or an ordinary week. When my kindergartener's teacher sent home a little paper star that we could use to write the name of a veteran on for their Veteran's Wall, I spent hours with Dodger making a poster with pictures and stories of the veterans we love that could go on the Veteran Wall. Dodger loves them and loved honoring them that way. And today, I will spend hours with my 3rd grader preparing our presentation for his class on my grandfather who fought on Iwo Jima. By the end of this week, my Buster will know what exactly that means.
For me, this week is my grandfather. It's my brother in law. My Cousin, my Uncle, my friend. Veteran's Day is the boy who was too young to enlist, so at 17 he convinced his parents to sign the consent. It is the "lineman", who at 18, snuck behind enemy lines and by the light of cigarette lighter would repair the communication lines so his fellow marines could effectively communicate. It is the young boy who watched his friends and comrades falling around him but kept on fighting. It is the newly wed, who leaves his new wife in the care of her parents, wishing and praying and for her sake, promising, that he will return home safely to her. It is the young husband, who kisses his wife and rubs her bulging belly, knowing that he will miss the birth of his first born child. It is the young boy, who has grown to be a man and still has nightmares about the men he has seen on the battlefield, carrying their own arms or holding in their intestines to keep them from spilling out. It is about the men and women, all of them, who have fought for the life I live today.
I am grateful for the Veterans in my life. I am grateful for their sacrifices and the sacrifices of their families. And I will honor them by passing on their legacy. I will tell my children, and anyone else who will listen, about my family's part in Sasebo, the battle of Normandy, Iwo Jima, Iraq and Afghanistan. My grandpa is not buried in the cemetary of the Fifth Marine Corp at the base of Mt. Suribachi on Iwo Jimo, he still lives at home, with my Grandmother. But, many, many marines are buried there. My brother in law did keep his promise, he came home safely to my sister, but his friend and comrade didn't. So for the ones who did return and more importantly the ones who didn't, Thank you. Happy Veteran's Day.
Whaddya think?
For me, it isn't an ordinary day. Or an ordinary week. When my kindergartener's teacher sent home a little paper star that we could use to write the name of a veteran on for their Veteran's Wall, I spent hours with Dodger making a poster with pictures and stories of the veterans we love that could go on the Veteran Wall. Dodger loves them and loved honoring them that way. And today, I will spend hours with my 3rd grader preparing our presentation for his class on my grandfather who fought on Iwo Jima. By the end of this week, my Buster will know what exactly that means.
For me, this week is my grandfather. It's my brother in law. My Cousin, my Uncle, my friend. Veteran's Day is the boy who was too young to enlist, so at 17 he convinced his parents to sign the consent. It is the "lineman", who at 18, snuck behind enemy lines and by the light of cigarette lighter would repair the communication lines so his fellow marines could effectively communicate. It is the young boy who watched his friends and comrades falling around him but kept on fighting. It is the newly wed, who leaves his new wife in the care of her parents, wishing and praying and for her sake, promising, that he will return home safely to her. It is the young husband, who kisses his wife and rubs her bulging belly, knowing that he will miss the birth of his first born child. It is the young boy, who has grown to be a man and still has nightmares about the men he has seen on the battlefield, carrying their own arms or holding in their intestines to keep them from spilling out. It is about the men and women, all of them, who have fought for the life I live today.
I am grateful for the Veterans in my life. I am grateful for their sacrifices and the sacrifices of their families. And I will honor them by passing on their legacy. I will tell my children, and anyone else who will listen, about my family's part in Sasebo, the battle of Normandy, Iwo Jima, Iraq and Afghanistan. My grandpa is not buried in the cemetary of the Fifth Marine Corp at the base of Mt. Suribachi on Iwo Jimo, he still lives at home, with my Grandmother. But, many, many marines are buried there. My brother in law did keep his promise, he came home safely to my sister, but his friend and comrade didn't. So for the ones who did return and more importantly the ones who didn't, Thank you. Happy Veteran's Day.
Whaddya think?
10/20/2010
When the Unexpected Happens
Question:
Our good friend lost his job last week. He was president of the company, so this was a bit unexpected. His wife is a dear friend of mine, so I briefly shared your experiences with her to let her know that they can emerge from this okay. What are your words of wisdom that I can share with them?
Answer:
A few years ago, my husband worked for Washington Mutual. One Friday, he left work (amid rumors of turmoil) working for WaMu and returned to work on Monday working for Chase. It became very apparent, very quickly that his days with employment were coming quickly to an end. We would get some severance and we had savings so I sat down right away and figured just how long we could get by. I wrote out a very detailed budget and cut out all the fluff of our lives. I found a reasonable health insurance plan and made a list of all the "extras" that had to be cut. I figured that we had a year before we started to go into debt. Our tight budget was to start the very first day that unemployment started. Fortunately, we never had to use our tight budget, but I was ready. I was prepared; mentally and financially. You never know what is going to happen, but it never hurts to be over prepared. Now, I have a year supply of laundry soap, toothpaste, body wash, shampoo, hair spray and 8+ months of food. We try to stay prepared for the unexpected.
Once the trials begin, I think sometimes it's easy to get wrapped up in the turmoil of the every day and we forget to look at the bigger picture. The Lord has a plan for each of us, sometimes that plan has a rocky road, but he knows how best to get us to where we need to be. Despite the challenges of the day to day, we will always fare better if we have faith in his plan for us. He knows us best. Of course it would have been easier if we could have just looked into the crystal ball and seen how wonderfully it would all work out, but then what would we have learned?
And most importantly, never forget the power of positive thinking. Life is only as good, or bad, as you think it is. So, chin up, put your shoulder to the wheel and keep on pushing through!
Whaddya think?
DON'T FORGET TO PARTICIPATE IN OUR GIVE AWAY!!! YOU STILL HAVE 1 WEEK LEFT TO ENTER AND WE NEED YOUR HELP!!! Click here for details.
Our good friend lost his job last week. He was president of the company, so this was a bit unexpected. His wife is a dear friend of mine, so I briefly shared your experiences with her to let her know that they can emerge from this okay. What are your words of wisdom that I can share with them?
Answer:
A few years ago, my husband worked for Washington Mutual. One Friday, he left work (amid rumors of turmoil) working for WaMu and returned to work on Monday working for Chase. It became very apparent, very quickly that his days with employment were coming quickly to an end. We would get some severance and we had savings so I sat down right away and figured just how long we could get by. I wrote out a very detailed budget and cut out all the fluff of our lives. I found a reasonable health insurance plan and made a list of all the "extras" that had to be cut. I figured that we had a year before we started to go into debt. Our tight budget was to start the very first day that unemployment started. Fortunately, we never had to use our tight budget, but I was ready. I was prepared; mentally and financially. You never know what is going to happen, but it never hurts to be over prepared. Now, I have a year supply of laundry soap, toothpaste, body wash, shampoo, hair spray and 8+ months of food. We try to stay prepared for the unexpected.
Once the trials begin, I think sometimes it's easy to get wrapped up in the turmoil of the every day and we forget to look at the bigger picture. The Lord has a plan for each of us, sometimes that plan has a rocky road, but he knows how best to get us to where we need to be. Despite the challenges of the day to day, we will always fare better if we have faith in his plan for us. He knows us best. Of course it would have been easier if we could have just looked into the crystal ball and seen how wonderfully it would all work out, but then what would we have learned?
And most importantly, never forget the power of positive thinking. Life is only as good, or bad, as you think it is. So, chin up, put your shoulder to the wheel and keep on pushing through!
Whaddya think?
DON'T FORGET TO PARTICIPATE IN OUR GIVE AWAY!!! YOU STILL HAVE 1 WEEK LEFT TO ENTER AND WE NEED YOUR HELP!!! Click here for details.
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