After my 2nd, I said I'd never do it again.
After my 3rd, I swore I'd never do it again.
So, it came as a shock to many that here I am, doing it again, for a 4th time.
I love the babies, but I am desperately afraid of the pregnancies. I knew exactly what would be asked of me. At the worst, my life. At best, 2 months of my life where I would wish every day I could cease to exist. I knew the price I would be asked to pay. I knew the price my family would have to pay. I knew the debilitating illness that would follow the 2 lined stick, the array of prescription bottles that would only keep me stable, not well. So, when the inspiration came to give it one more try, I wrestled with it- for days. I cried, I pleaded, I begged. Please, can't there be any other way? But, ultimately I knew, it was a price I was willing to pay. Two months for a life. A life that would be mine to mold and love and cherish. Because, you see, it is from our most challenging and courageous sacrifices that we receive our sweetest blessings. I'm sure you have your own sacrifices. The decisions you are too afraid to make. The road that seems so scary. But, the blessing, that sweetest of all blessings, is worth the hard things that we are asked to endure. Mine, will be a baby. What will yours be?
Whaddya think?
After my 3rd, I swore I'd never do it again.
So, it came as a shock to many that here I am, doing it again, for a 4th time.
I love the babies, but I am desperately afraid of the pregnancies. I knew exactly what would be asked of me. At the worst, my life. At best, 2 months of my life where I would wish every day I could cease to exist. I knew the price I would be asked to pay. I knew the price my family would have to pay. I knew the debilitating illness that would follow the 2 lined stick, the array of prescription bottles that would only keep me stable, not well. So, when the inspiration came to give it one more try, I wrestled with it- for days. I cried, I pleaded, I begged. Please, can't there be any other way? But, ultimately I knew, it was a price I was willing to pay. Two months for a life. A life that would be mine to mold and love and cherish. Because, you see, it is from our most challenging and courageous sacrifices that we receive our sweetest blessings. I'm sure you have your own sacrifices. The decisions you are too afraid to make. The road that seems so scary. But, the blessing, that sweetest of all blessings, is worth the hard things that we are asked to endure. Mine, will be a baby. What will yours be?
Whaddya think?
Congratulations Shay! :) I hope you get through the worst of it quickly! To be pregnant for me equals a lot of heartache and stress... but we too decided it was what the Lord wanted when we got pregnant again as well. Here's to all those mommies that sacrifice so much just to bring a little spirit into the World! :)
ReplyDeleteCongratulations Shay! How very true that the sweetest blessings come through some of the hardest trials. I pray things will go smoothly for you.
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